How to Raise a “Woke Baby”

Do you dream of rearing your toddler into an antiracist, feminist, leftist activist?

If so, you’re in luck: it’s never been easier. The shelves of pretty much every major book retailer in the country are packed with baby books to help you get the job done.

Start your child’s woke journey by picking up a copy of Antiracist Baby by Ibram X Kendi.

If that name sounds familiar, it’s probably because his book How to Be an Anti-Racist made the rounds heavily in the BLM riots of last summer. Kendi is best known for the theory that there is no such thing as a “non-racist.” He believes there are only racists and anti-racists. This is obviously a crucial message to pass on to toddlers with zero conception of race.

Once you and your child solve racism, you’ll want to keep tackling other important left-wing issues, because intersectionality.

Enter the Feminist Baby series by Loryn Brantz! If these eponymous comic strips are any indicator, this will be quite the empowering read for your little ones…

Once you’ve finished convincing your daughters that biology isn’t real and she must smash the patriarchy, you can pick up my personal favorite: A is for Activist.

Rather than waste time on silly causes like civil liberties and personal freedom, this book focuses on the real issues…

Readers are treated to a leftist journey through the alphabet. It begins with A is for Activist and continues on through R is for Radical Reds… S is for Solar Power and Dinosaur Sludge… T is for Trans… U is for Unions… and even Z is for Zapatistas, everyone’s favorite band of socialist warlords!

If these three toddler books don’t appeal to you for some reason… (uh, intolerant much?) I can recommend three alternatives.

But be warned: they’re not going to score you any woke points. 

The series is called the Tuttle Toddlers and the ABCs. It features three books on Liberty, the American Revolution, and Economics.

I wrote these toddler books to help out those radical parents who want to raise critical thinkers instead of communist social justice warriors.

You can order the whole set through our website here, if you’re into that sort of parenting. Plus, they’re on sale right now!

Rumor even has it that Elijah and I are working on three more, so stay tuned.

Or stay woke… it’s up to you.

—Connor